No Second Chances
by TVObssessedGirl28
Summary: When your worst fear comes true there are no such things as second chances.
1. Arrival

**Note:** Everything in italics are thoughts running through Cal's mind.

You feel the whole word tumble down around you. Your whole world collapses when the news of the car accident comes through. You freeze to the spot where you stand and you don't hear the rest of what Charlie is saying. All you can think about is about one person. Your brother. As you stand there, loads of questions run through your mind.

 _Is he okay?_

 _Is he hurt?_

 _How bad is he?_

All these questions worry you and you can''t help but, think the worst. Robyn catches your eye. She smiles weakly and can sense how you're feeling. You sort of walk aimlessly towards the counter trying to comprehend the words Charlie has spoken. Nervously, you tap on top all sorts of thoughts running through your mind. You want to ask Charlie then and there whether he has any news on Ethan's condition but, no words pass your lips. You manage to catch what Charlie has said.

"Now the driver of the other vehicle is on his way." Charlie explains.

 _Okay, so the other driver is on his way. But, what about Ethan? Is he on his way?_ You say to yourself.

You don't really care about the other driver, even though as a doctor you should. But, all you care about is Ethan. All you care about is your brother. Wanting to know more, you anxiously ask Charlie,

"And how about the driver of our vehicle?"

The older nurse's response does nothing to lessen your worry any further.

"That's all I know."

You release a shaky breath. If Charlie doesn't know, then Ethan's condition must be serious.

"Right, you two, with me." Charlie orders you and Robyn to follow him as the first patients arrive.

You really want to know what's going. You decide to ask Charlie one more time to see if he'll tell you the full details.

"Charlie?" You ask shakily, "How serious is it?"

"All I know is what I've just said to everybody."

You sigh, frustratedly. Then Robyn asks one question that filled your heart with dread.

"How did it happen?" You hear her say.

You look at Charlie. Scared at what he's going to say you suddenly wonder,

 _Oh, god. What if it was Ethan's fault?_

 _What if he was the one who caused this crash?_

 _What if he was the one who crashed into the other vehicle?_

"Uh, how it sounds is the other vehicle just swiped them off the road." Charlie replies.

"Okay. Robyn, I want you with Tess and Lily." you hear Charlie order. Your job however, is with the driver from the other vehicle. Stepping outside you spot Connie coming out of the ambulance. Surely, she must know how Ethan is?

"Connie," You say, "how's Ethan?"

"Cal," she replies trying to calm me down, "he's stable, but he's trapped."

You nod. At least he's stable. But, as you walk back in the hospital with the driver all you can think about is;

 _That's the man who crashed into my brother._

 _He's the one responsible for the crash. Not my brother. Not Ethan._

Then thinking back to what Connie said to you more questions ran through your head.

 _How long will he be stable for?_

 _What happens if his condition deteriorates?_

 _What if he dies?_

You shake your head. No, you mustn't think like that. Ethan isn't going to die. He's a fighter. He's going to be alright.

The next few hours seem to go by so slowly. You find it hard to concentrate on your job as you're worried sick out of your mind about Ethan. You still haven't had an update on his condition and as each minute passes you get more and more anxious. You're busy in a conversation with another doctor when you spot Connie and Charlie. Connie is on the phone talking and when she ends the call, you hear her tell Charlie,

"The next casualty's coming in. It's Ethan."

Excusing yourself from the conversation you quickly walk up to Charlie and Connie.

"Mrs. Beauchump? I heard that was Ethan."

Connie nods. You know what you are about to ask is against hospital policy but, he's brother. You want to help him. You take a deep breath.

" I want to treat him."

Connie shakes her head like you knew she would.

"No. Absolutely not. Not a family member."

You sigh. You want to help and you're about to challenge Connie when Charlie insists she can't work because of her wrist. Knowing no other doctors are available, reluctantly Connie gives in and tells you you can treat Ethan. You give Charlie a slight nod as the two of them leave. Now you know you're the one who's going to be treating your brother your nerves get the better of you and you wait anxiously at reception. Still worried you see Lofty walk up and pat you on the shoulder. You're grateful your colleagues are concerned as much as you are, but inside you know they don't really understand how you're feeling. They don't understand because it's not just a colleague or a friend it's a family member. Your family member. Your brother. Sure, they understand what fear is but, not this kind of fear. You've never felt so scared in your life. Bracing yourself at the entrance ready to receive the patient, Lofty stands next to you.

"You're alright?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm good." You reply.

But, the truth of it is, you're not alright. This is your brother, your little brother. Of course, you aren't alright. But, you can't let Lofty know that. You can't let your emotions over rule your have to remain professional. So instead you lie. From your answer you can tell Lofty doesn't believe you. He's about to question it but, the double doors swing open and you see Big Mac and Tamzin come in pushing the stretcher with them. You look down and see your brother's body lying there fully strapped with a head collar and an oxygen mask covered in cuts and bruises. You don't want your colleagues to see your emotions reveal themselves, but a few tears reach your eyes. Your lips quiver slightly as you see how badly injured he is. Tamzin updates you on his condition as you roll through to RESUS.

"Okay, Ethan was driving. He was trapped for 45 minutes. KoD at the scene. He's got a chest and head injury. On arrival his GCS was 13, pulse was 120. BP was stable at 90 systolic. SATs are 98%. His BM is 5. He's had 10 of morphine, 10 of metoclopromide and 1.5 litres of saline."

As you roll into RESUS with Ethan on the stretcher your mind suddenly goes blank and you notice Tamzin is looking at you.

"Okay?" she asks you noticing your hesitation.

You gather your composure quickly and instruct Big Mac and Tamzin to move Ethan on to the bed nearest to the doors. The two paramedics soon leave you and Lofty to treat Ethan.

"So all this to get out of some public speaking, eh?" You joke trying to lighten the mood. "There are easier ways, mate."

You see a movement in Ethan's eyes and he tries to call your name.

"Cal..." You hear him try to speak.

"No, no. Don't try and speak." You tell him, "I know what I'm doing." You say trying to reassure him. Though it's more to yourself than to him. Having done all the necessary preliminary checks you order a chest x-ray and CT scan to diagnose any internal injuries. You step back to let the nurses prep him for x-ray. You let out another breath.

 _At least that part is over._ You think to yourself.

His results come back. X-ray is all clear. All you're waiting for now is for the CT scan. Connie approaches you and asks you how Ethan is. You inform her the x-ray was all clear and you're just waiting for the CT scan. She nods then proceeds to ask you how you're coping. You tell her you're holding up and she seems to buy you answer.

All of sudden you hear a noise.

An erratic beeping.


	2. Mind Blank

An erratic beeping.

You turn around just in time to see your brother being rolled back into RESUS.

"What happened?" you inquire as you run after them.

Back in RESUS the heart machine is still going crazy and you order another blood gas when Connie comes in.

"Give me an update." she orders.

You can't answer so Lofty does instead.

"Heart rate still increasing, BP's diving." you hear him inform Connie.

Connie comes over and starts to examine Ethan even though you've already done that.

"Have the scans reported back yet?" she asks no one in particular.

You manage to find your voice.

"Uh, no. He went off before they had a chance to do them."

Connie doesn't respond. You then realise there could be a bleed so you ask Connie,

"Do you think it's neutron colonial bleed?'

"It's a bleed, " Connie says, "but it's not from his head."

 _If it's not a bleed from his head, then where else could it come from?_ You ask yourself.

And as you ask the question you begin to doubt yourself. You begin to worry you haven't done everything. The doubt begins to grow when your question is answered by Connie,

"He's got a bleed, but it's not from his head."

The doubt grows further when you notice Connie examining Ethan's chest and neck.

"Okay, let's not forget that he has a serious chest trauma. Muffled heart sounds, engorged neck veins. Pulsus paradoxus." You hear Connie diagnose.

You sigh disheartenedly when you realise you've misdiagnosed his condition.

"Beck's triad. He's got a tamponade." You say realising how serious Ethan's condition is.

Sensing your disappointment at not diagnosing the correct condition Connie attempts to reassure you.

"It's fine, I've missed them in the past. It happens."

Sensing your disappointment at not diagnosing the correct condition Connie attempts to reassure you.

"Don't worry, I've missed them in the past too."

Her attempt at reassuring you doesn't work. Informing you and Lofty that a pericardiocentesis needs to be done, Connie instructs you you're going to have to do the procedure. You hesitate for a slight moment but, regain your composure as you know Connie is right. You're the only one who can do it. All the equipment is prepared for the procedure to go ahead. You have the needle in your hand when your steady composure falters and you begin to shake.

Your mind goes blank.


	3. Falling

Your mind goes blank. All your medical knowledge disappear and only your brotherly instincts surface overriding the doctor within you. You look down on the bed, all you see is your brother not a patient. Your emotions get the better of you. You realise you can't do the procedure. Not on your little brother and so you place the needle back in the tray Lofty is holding. By Connie's reaction you can tell that she is not pleased with you, but you know that with the way you are feeling your concentration won't be 100% and anything could happen.

 _Why take the risk?_ You wonder.

As soon as you place the needle into the tray Ethan's SATs declining and the machine begins to flatline. You want to help because you're a doctor and that's what you do, you help people in need. But, all you can do is watch your brother deteriorate in front of you and there's nothing you can do. You can't stay in RESUS and watch your baby brother die so you rush out of the room as the sound of the flatlining follows you though the double doors.

You don't care your colleagues are watching you. You don't care they might be judging you. All you care about is your brother is probably going to die and it's your fault. Your fault because you let your emotions override your professionalism. You burst into the staffroom and let your whole body fall into the sofa. You place your face into your hands and let the tears fall down your cheeks.

As you let your emotions take over your whole body all you can think about is Ethan.

 _What have I done?_

 _What have I done?_

You keep repeating to yourself.

 _I've killed my own brother._

 _I've lost my brother._

 _It's my fault._

 _I'm suppose to be a doctor._

 _I'm suppose to help people get better._

 _My brother's never really needed me._

 _But, the one time he does what do I do?_

 _Nothing._

 _I do nothing._

 _I let him die._

You come out of your thoughts when you feel a hand on your shoulder. You lift your head up and see Lofty. His face tells you everything you need to know.

Your world starts falling apart.


	4. Denial

You know what Lofty is going to say. You know why he's here. He's going to tell you that Ethan didn't make it. Your brother is dead. But, inside of you, deep in your heart you stupidly hold onto a small glimmer of hope that it isn't true. Hoping Lofty is only joking. It will be a sick joke but, at least it will be a joke.

"How's Ethan?" you ask, still knowing Lofty's answer.

Lofty comes and sits down beside you. You know what's coming, but you don't want to hear it. You don't want to listen to him because by him telling you what you already knew would just confirm the truth. And that's something you don't want. You don't want him to tell you you're no longer going to see your brother again. You don't him want to say you're no longer going to have him to watch out for you when you mess things up. Lofty places one arm around your shoulder and his other hand on your arm.

"Mate, I'm so sorry."

Your breath hitches as those words enter your ears and you feel as if you're suffocating. You start breathing heavily as small sobs come out of your mouth and you start gasping for air. You roughly shake Lofty's arm off your shoulder and stand up, quickly walking over to the other side of the room. You pick up the nearest object next to you and smash it against the wall.

"NOOOOOOOO!" you scream collapsing to your knees. Lofty doesn't intervene he just stays where he's sat and lets you do whatever it is you're doing. Your shoulders heave up and down as more tears take over you. Suddenly, you look down at the floor where you're kneeling and something catches your tear stained eye. You realise the broken object you threw at the wall was Ethan's mug. Grief fills your heart as you gently pick up the pieces in your hand.

 _Why, Ethan?_

 _Why did you have to go?_ You whisper.

You get back up off the floor. You turn to see Lofty has left and so slowly you walk back to the sofa. You sit back down still holding the pieces of the mug in your hands. Lost in your own thoughts you keep thinking Ethan is going to walk through the door any minute. That he is going to be there sitting beside you and you would be teasing him.

 _Oh, god._

 _That was the last thing I did to him._

 _I teased him about his ability to drive._

You lean your head against the cushions. You shake your head. You had to always tease him, didn't you?

"No, Ethan. You can't be gone."You say out loud.


	5. Alone

You hear the door to the staffroom open, but you don't look to see who it is. All you know is they are only here to tell you what Lofty has already told you and to offer their condolences.

"Cal?" you hear Zoe's voice softly.

You don't answer her and you don't hear her come towards you.

"Cal," she continues, "you can see him if you want?"

You shake your head. No, you don't want to see him. Because seeing him lying there still like a statue would only make you feel more guilty.

"I can't possibly imagine how you're feeling right now, but you might want to see him." Zoe replies from the doorway.

"Why?" You whisper.

Zoe sighs. She doesn't like seeing you beat yourself up for what happened.

"To say goodbye." she tells you.

"I can't." And you breakdown once more.

Zoe walks over to you and kneels down in front of you as you cry.

"You can't blame yourself. It isn't your fault."

You look at her as if she's gone mad.

"NOT MY FAULT?" you raise your voice. "HOW IS IT NOT MY FAULT?"

"Ethan's injuries were a lot serious than we thought. No one could have predicted the outcome."

"I should have!"

"Cal..."

"No, Zoe. Don't try to tell me there was nothing we could have done. It's my fault Ethan's dead. My fault I couldn't do the procedure. I was the one who insisted to Connie I treat him and look what's happened." you explain to her.

"Cal, even if you had been able to do the procedure he still would have had serious injuries."

"Yeah, well at least he would have been stable!" you shout.

Zoe doesn't attempt to take the conversation any further you and so leaves you be.


	6. Goodbye

You stand outside of RESUS. Through the blinds you can see your brother. Your little brother lying on the bed still as anything. Hesitantly, you push open the doors and step inside. You don't move from where you are. All you can do is look. Slowly, you walk over to the bed. Ethan's hand is lying flat on the bed sheet and you linger your hand over his unsure of whether you want to hold it or not. The big brother in you comes through and you hold his hand in yours. It feels so cold to touch. You fall into the chair beside him and grasp his hand against your cheek.

 _When mum died, you were there for me._

 _When I stole your money, you were there for me._

 _When we both failed our exams, you were there for me._

 _When Taylor lied to me, you were there for me._

 _But, when you needed me, I wasn't there for you._

You watch him. If it isn't for the deathly silence around you, you could have sworn that he was just sleeping. He looks so peaceful. You take your other hand and stroke his forehead.

"Oh, Ethan" you begin to say, "Why did you have to drive? Couldn't you have let someone else drive instead?"

You know it sounds selfish, but you wish that someone else would have driven. You continue,

" I know I mustn't say that but, honestly Ethan? Couldn't you have let Connie drive? She was the one who insisted she drive, But, of course you being the gentleman had to offer instead."

You pause for a moment still stroking his hair.

"How am I supposed to cope without you, Eth? Eh?How am I supposed to live without you? I mean who's going to be the one to keep me in line so I don't mess up? Who's going to be the one to make sure I stay on track?"

You speak these questions aloud hoping to hear Ethan's voice answer them.

"I know I should have been a better son. I know that. But, I should have been a better brother too. I made a promise with myself that I would always protect you and look how that's turned out. I told myself I can't let anything happen to you. But, I did. I let you down, Eth. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry that I never told you. But, you are my little brother... and I love you."

You get up from where you sit. Leaning over, you gently take hold of your brother into your arms and cradle him against your chest. Laying him back down you place a kiss on his head and walk out of RESUS. You don't want to admit it, but you know that was your goodbye.


	7. Company

The news of Ethan's death travels around the department. That evening you spend it in the pub drinking away the grief in your heart. Your colleagues are there to keep you company and although they try to lighten the mood, the atmosphere feels very somber indeed. Everyone is completely shaken by Ethan's death, but to you they really don't know how it feels. You are brought back from your thoughts when Max gets up and raises his glass,

"To Ethan!"

You all follow suit and raise your glasses. Finishing off your drink you leave the pub. You head towards your car when you hear your name being called. You turn to see Lofty running after you. He stops next to a little out of breath.

"Hey, mate. You know we're here for you, right?"

"Cheers, but I'd rather be on my own at the moment."

Lofty nods at you in understanding and then returns to the pub.

You enter the flat you shared with Ethan. As the flat door closes behind you, you slide down the frame letting fresh tears fall. You struggle to come to terms with the loss of your brother. Wiping the tears away from your eyes you see on the wall a picture of you and Ethan. It's the last picture taken of the two of you. You both have your arms around the other and you're smiling. You smile to yourself as you remember ever since the Taylor incident your relationship with you brother has been better than it has ever been. Standing up you walk to the wall with the picture hanging from it. Taking it off the wall you carry the frame into the living room and sit down on the sofa.

"Really, Ethan why did you have to leave me?" You say to his face.

You raise your eyes up and look at the ceiling. You think to yourself,

 _Are the such things as second chances?_

 _If there were, what would I do?  
_

 _What would I do if I could have one more moment with him?_

 _What would I say?_

 _What would he say?_

 _What would I do?_

You sigh sadly.

 _I would tell him I'm sorry._

 _I would tell him how much I need him._

 _I would tell him I love him._

 _I would tell him to be careful._

 _I would tell him not to get into the front seat of the vehicle._

You're interrupted by a knock at the door. Lazily you get up from the sofa and walk towards the knocking. Opening the front door you come face to face with Charlie, Lofty and Max. You look surprised to see them, but at the same time pleased. You need to be surrounded by friends at this moment in time and even though you told Lofty earlier on you wanted to be alone, you're glad he could tell you were lying. You step aside and let the three of them enter your flat. Shuffling into the living room you offer them if they want anything to drink, all three shake their heads and take a seat.

"So, what's next?" You hear Lofty ask you.

"I guess arranging the funeral." You tell him.

"You know if you need anything, anything at all you only need to ask." Charlie tells you next.

I nod.

"Thanks, Charlie." You reply.

For the next few hours the four of you sit in silence. The silence is comforting and you're glad your friends don't try to make conversation. The later it gets Charlie and Max leave you, but Lofty remains.

"Did he suffer at all?" You suddenly ask Lofty.

"No, he didn't." You hear Lofty say.

"This is all my fault. I should have done the procedure." You tell him.

"Cal, Connie shouldn't have allowed you to do it anyway."

"No, but I practically begged her." You explain.

"I heard. But, she's suppose to be Clinical Lead. She should have told you to step aside the minute your brother came in." Lofty tells you.

 _Maybe Lofty's right?_ You think to yourself

 _Maybe Connie should have insisted you step aside._

 _Maybe you should have listened to her in the first place?_

 _But, if you had listened to her would you have obeyed her orders?_

 _Would you have let someone else treat your brother?_

 _Or would you have just insisted you were the only one who could treat him?_

You already know the answers.

 _No, you wouldn't have obeyed her orders._

 _No, you wouldn't have let anyone else treat him._

 _You would have insisted you treat him._

You let the answers run through your thoughts. But, as they run through you are suddenly hit with the one question you always knew would arrive.

If you were the only one, who could have successfully done the pericardiocentesis then why couldn't you?

The only answer.

He is your brother.

Was your brother.

You turn to where Lofty is sitting. He looks at you and gives you a weak smile.

"I should have saved him." You tell him.

"You mustn't beat yourself up. He wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself." Lofty tries to comfort you.

"I let him down, Lofty." You say. "And that's not the first time."

"Cal, if he was in your position don't you think he would have struggled too?" Lofty asks you.

"No. He's Ethan. He would have done what Connie told him. He would have let someone else treat the patient. He would have been able to do the procedure." You reply.

You see Lofty open his mouth to say something but, then he closes it. Sensing there's not much he can do Lofty tells you he's going to leave you and he'll see you tomorrow. You in return thank him and tell him you owe him a drink next time round. Left alone in the empty flat you walk down the corridor to your bedroom. Upon entering you stand by the window and look out at the night sky.

 _Oh, Ethan._


	8. Reality

One week after Ethan's death you enter the ED looking at your surroundings. This is where Ethan died, this is where he drew his last breath and this is where you needed to be. You needed to be amongst your friends, you needed to be with your brother. You keep thinking Ethan is going to walk through the doors any minute ready to start his shift for the day. You don't accept he's gone. It isn't until you see a small memorial table with his picture and flowers it finally hits home. You finally realise you're never going to see him again. You're never going to see him smile. Most of all you realise he is never going to be there for you when you mess things up. You never really thought about the consequences because you always knew Ethan was there to pick up the pieces. Now knowing you're never going to see him again you finally realise you've always taken him for granted.

"Hey." Lofty says softly. "You shouldn't be here."

"I need to be here." Is all you can say. "I need to be with him."

"Listen, mate. I know you need to be with him but, being here isn't going to help."

"WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW?" You snap at Lofty. You sigh.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to shout."

"No worries."

"I can't go." You whisper.

"Where? The funeral?"

You nod. Attending the funeral would make it real. It would mean you really had lost your brother. In your head you knew your brother was dead, but in your heart you didn't want to accept it. Because by accepting Ethan was dead you would have to accept the truth. You break down in front of the ED. Lofty leads you to the staffroom and sits down next to you.

"Cal, why can't you go? He would want you to be there."

"Because if I go it means I have to say goodbye. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that. I'm not sure if I'll ever be."

"It's not easy saying goodbye to those you love and it's not going to be, but you're going to need to." Lofty replies softly.

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Of course."

"But, I can't, Lofty!"

"Why not?" He asks you quietly.

"Because how am I supposed to say goodbye to him? How am I supposed to say goodbye to my little brother when I know I'm the one who killed him!"

"Cal..." Lofty begins to say.

"No, Lofty. I may not have been the one who crashed into him, but I was the one who didn't do the procedure. I killed him. I killed my little brother and now I have to say goodbye to him."

"We're here for you. You know that. We'll always be here for you."

Your conversation is interrupted by the opening of the staffroom door.

"Are we ready?" Charlie inquires.

You and Lofty get up from the couch.

"As ready as I'll ever be." You inform him.

Walking to reception you see your colleagues, your friends are there ready to be there for you. You smile fondly. Together you silently depart for the church.


	9. Nibbles

You stand on the podium facing all your friends. By their expressions you can tell they too are still trying to cope with the loss of Ethan. You look down. Your eulogy is in front of you. You know you're going to have to do this, but your hands tremble and your breathing is fast. You inhale deeply. You realise it's time to say goodbye. You begin,

"Ethan was a brilliant doctor, a kind man and a supportive brother. He was always there when I needed him. He would always be there to fix my problems. Ethan was just that person that everyone could get along with. He was that person you could always count on to be there. But, apart from being a good man he was also a nerd. I remember so many times when we would be talking about going to see a football match or something he would casually mention this new black and white movie he wanted to watch. He would then proceed to tell me about the whole story plot and who was who. Honestly, I got so bored with his nerdy mind that I wanted to kill myself... figuratively. But, that was Ethan for you. Always a nerd."

Everyone gives a small chuckle. You continue.

"He may have been a little bit nerdy, a little bit weird but, that didn't matter. That's what made him Ethan. I would be more worried if he didn't talk about anything nerdy. Even when we were young he was the same. While I was out partying all night, Ethan would have his head stuck in a book, literally. I remember one morning after I had been out all night I came back and found him slumped down on top of his desk with his face flat out in a book.

I never really thought much about what it would be like having Ethan not beside me, but when I left for med school two years before Ethan I though then it would be hard being parted from him. However, that's nothing to what I feel now. Yes, leaving him behind with what was going on with my parents was heartbreaking, but at least I knew he was just a phone call away. Not only that, but I would see him during holidays, during Christmas. Those days after I left for uni will be something I will always remember. Seeing my brother for the first in 6 months since being at uni brought a smile to my face and every time he wrapped his arms around me it made me feel happy to know he was happy to see me. Now it hurts even more. Knowing he won't be there at Christmas, knowing he won't be a phone call away. I never got to tell him how much he meant to me. We were so close back when we kids, close as any brother should be and I only wish we had the same relationship now as we did back then. You see when we were little our parents would always argue, but growing up with Ethan made it a bit more bearable. I knew I could always depend on Ethan to keep his promises and that's the one thing I regret. I never kept my promises I made him. There's this one promise that I feel guilty about not keeping. It was the day I left for med school. My parents were arguing as usually and in that moment I suddenly knew I could no longer stay. I told my parents there and then that I was leaving and I was never coming back again. I picked my bags and walked away from them and my brother. I sat at the bus stop lost in my own thoughts and I hadn't noticed Ethan had followed me. He sat next to me at the bus stop. And I remember him saying "Will I ever see you again?". I told him I wasn't sure. I said I wasn't sure if I would ever come back home again. He said, "Please, Cal. Don't leave me. All I want is my brother. I want my brother here with me because I love him." I saw tears were flowing down his cheeks. I gently took his face in my hands and swiped the tears away with my thumbs. I then said to him, how was I supposed to stay when dad was never proud of me. Those words Ethan said afterwards broke my heart. He told me, "But I'm proud of you, Cal." It made me sad to know what I was doing. To know that I was leaving my brother behind. But, it was then I made the promise to him. I brought him into a hug and told him as I had enough money to support myself I would come back for him and we could go away together. But, I never did. I never did go back for my brother.

Ethan had his whole life ahead of him. He wanted to settle down with a wife and kids. Now he'll never get the chance to have that. He'll never get the chance to watch his kids grow up. Ethan would have made a great father. And I'll never have him as my best man when I decide to settle down. Because that's what he was, he was my friend, my best man. But, most of all he was my little brother. He'll always be my little brother.

You turn towards the coffin as tears fall down your cheeks.

"Nibbles," You start, "Things may not have been smooth between us. We may have had our disagreements, our fights, words we'd never meant to say to each other but, we're brothers. We'll always be brothers. And I'll always be proud to be your brother. I promise you, you'll never be forgotten because you'll always be here, here in my heart. I love you."

You step down from the podium and sit in the front bench next to Lofty and Max.

"Well done, mate." Max whispers to you.

"Yeah, well done. He'd be proud of you." Lofty says.

You smile at them.

"I hope so." You whisper as the coffin is being carried out of the church.


	10. Epilogue

It's been a year since Ethan had passed away. You stand by his gravestone reading the words in front of you.

 _ **Ethan Hardy  
A colleague, friend and brother.  
4th October 2014**_

"You know, mate. It's still not easy. Living life knowing you're no longer here with me. But, that's not to say life has been uneventful. No, far from it. You're never going to believe this, Eth. I'm a dad. Yeah, I know, crazy huh? Taylor turned up out of the blue and told me that I was a dad. Me, a dad. And once again she left me in the loop, left me with the baby. I know what you're going to say, Ethan. Why did I trust her after everything she did? I don't know. I just did because I think a part of me still loved her. But, then again that wouldn't have happened if you were here. You would have told me I wasn't thinking straight. Anyway, now that she's left again I'm left a lone with this baby, my daughter. Yes, I know you're thinking how do I know, well I just do. I know she's my daughter. Her name's Matilda by the way, after mum. I know mum will be proud. It's hurtful to know that my daughter will never see her Uncle Ethan. But, she will know about you, she will know how wonderful, kind and understanding you were. She will know what a supportive brother you were to her dad and she will know what an amazing uncle she would have had. She'll have memories of you because I will show her photos, tell her stories and take her to places we went to together. She will never forget you. I only wish you'd got to see her."


End file.
